How to Manage Expectations Around the Holidays
(Managing perfectionism and comparison)
The holidays can be beautiful… but they can also be a lot.
There’s pressure to feel joyful, host perfectly, buy the right gifts, show up for everyone, and somehow stay cheerful through it all.
And if you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or like you’re falling short?
You’re not alone — a lot of people feel this way.
Let’s talk about how to take some of that weight off your shoulders.
1. You Don’t Have to Make Everything Perfect
Somewhere along the way, many of us picked up the idea that holidays need to be Pinterest-perfect — the house, the food, the photos, the mood.
But perfection isn’t what people remember.
People remember connection, warmth, laughter, being together, and feeling safe enough to be themselves.
Good enough really is enough.
Let that be your theme this year.
2. Notice When You Start Comparing Yourself to Others
It’s easy to look around — especially on social media — and feel like everyone else is having a more magical holiday season.
Perfect decorations. Perfect families. Perfect moments.
But remember: you’re seeing the highlights, not the behind-the-scenes.
You’re not comparing your life to someone else’s reality — you're comparing it to their presentation.
If you catch yourself spiraling into comparison, pause and ask:
“Is this helping me feel better?”
“What part of me feels triggered right now?”
“What do I actually need in this moment?”
Comparison is a sign that something in you could use a little care and compassion.
3. Honor Your Actual Energy and Capacity
You don’t have to say yes to everything.
You don’t have to attend every gathering.
You don’t have to match the energy of the people around you.
Your emotional capacity is not a moral measurement — it’s a signal.
This year might feel different than last year, and that’s okay.
Check in with yourself before committing:
“Do I have space for this?”
“Does this fit the season I’m in?”
“What will this cost me emotionally?”
Your needs matter too.
4. Set Boundaries That Support Your Peace
Holidays often bring up old family patterns, obligations, and expectations.
But you’re allowed to do things differently now.
You can say:
“I can stay for a little while, but not the whole day.”
“I’m not discussing that topic today.”
“I need a quiet morning before I come over.”
“I need to skip this event this year.”
You’re not being difficult or distant — you’re taking care of yourself.
5. Redefine What the Holidays Mean for You
What do you want this season to feel like?
Not what others expect.
Not what traditions require.
Not what social media shows.
Ask yourself:
“What would make this season feel peaceful?”
“What do I want more of?”
“What do I want less of?”
“What can I simplify?”
Your holidays don’t have to look like anyone else’s to be meaningful.
6. Give Yourself Permission to Do Things Differently
Maybe this year you keep things simple.
Maybe you celebrate in new ways.
Maybe you rest more.
Maybe you focus on small, cozy moments instead of big events.
Whatever you choose, it’s valid.
This season is yours too.
You Deserve a Holiday Season That Feels Gentle on Your Heart
You don’t have to carry all the expectations, perform for anyone, or force yourself to be something you’re not.
You’re allowed to choose peace, connection, and authenticity — in whatever way feels right for you.
If this season brings up stress, pressure, or emotional overwhelm, therapy can help you feel grounded and supported.
